This Sunday, June 5th marks 7 years that Tom and I have been hitched. Time sure flies…because we’re having fun.
As many of you likely know, Tom and I haven’t exactly done things conventionally. We met on Craigslist in 2002. We could just have easily met on one of the trails local to the Bay Area given the overlap in activities we like but the Bay Area is a big place in terms of people and I guess sometimes crossing paths takes a little extra, if not unusual, nudge. This was before dating websites existed as they do today and hell, I’d used Craiglist successfully for other things, so why not place a personal ad? As luck would have it, Tom was the first to respond. I could throw out words like fate here but I’ll refrain since I believe we play a part in how our lives turn out.
After a few phone conversations, Tom and I casually met for a burrito before one of my ice hockey games. Apparently the firm handshake I gave him when we first met gave the red-haired, athletic, construction guy from New York quite an impression (funny how I don’t remember anything about the handshake?!?!) Within a week, we were carpooling to Tahoe for a weekend in the snow since he was part of the volunteer ski patrol at Squaw Valley at the time. For the other weekend day, we hiked the backcountry near Castle Peak for a few powder turns…with 3 dogs (I was dogsitting). I even met his brother and one of his sisters that first weekend at their leased ski cabin.
The months ahead had the ups and downs all new relationships have but not necessarily for the same reasons. Two very independent people were trying to figure out how to actually compromise and spend time doing things together when we were both so used to doing things alone. I also lived in La Honda, kind of a hike from the peninsula and not a drive Tom was thrilled about. Having 2 dogs to factor into the equation also presented a new responsibility which Tom wasn’t used to. Again, circumstances pushed us closer together, at least geographically. My landlords decided to sell off part of their La Honda property, which meant I needed to find a new place to live…suddenly the little house I rented in Menlo Park was not only an easier drive for Tom but closer to his office than the place he rented a room. Tom says he knew we’d end up together when I bought a dirtbike…after only knowing Tom for 3 weeks. I’d always wanted a motorcycle…a dirtbike seemed to make most sense given how long I’d been mountain biking.
Weekends were mostly spent away from the Bay Area…dirtbiking, mountain biking, camping, skiing/snowboarding, etc. I nursed Tom through a hernia surgery a few months into dating too…I thought he’d never leave my couch again. By the end of 2002, after only a couple hiccups, we took our first vacation…to Moab, of course. Shortly afterwards we faced one of those relationship tests…one of my dogs, Tundra, the one I got out of college passed away. By the holidays, I flew back to NYwith Tom to meet his parents and other sister. From that point to our wedding, things are a bit of a blur…I got another puppy (Bodie) while Tom was off at ski patrol one weekend, we moved in together, continued our adventures, bought a truck and camper…we basically lived as if we were already married. One snowy Sunday while sitting in a windy, white-out on the chair lifts at Kirkwood, Tom peaked out of his neck gaiter long enough to ask me to marry him. Cold…and startled, I giggled and said yes.
The wedding was very small, personal and relatively casual. We only invited a handful of friends and family for a mellow afternoon wedding and reception outside. No tux, no white wedding dress, no chicken dance, no crazy party…just hanging out. We didn’t honeymoon right away but waited until later in the summer…after all, we were headed to the Whistler Mountain Bike Park for our honeymoon and wanted all the trails to be open! Although I had always wanted to leave the Bay Area for larger, less restrictive pastures, Tom wasn’t quite sold…until we got back from the honeymoon. Within about 8 weeks, he had a new job offer in Sacramento and we put an offer down on a house in the Sierra foothills. I would continue to work remotely for a company in the Bay Area (and still do).
Since then, life together has been crazy, adventurous, fun, lonely, emotional, hilarious (I’m running out of descriptors!) Over the course of those 7 years, we’ve lost another dog and started a new dog generation, we’ve let our opportunity to have kids drift by in favor of other things, we’ve acquired and learned how to use heavy equipment, bought and sold countless dirtbikes and mountain bikes, bought a cabin, lost family members, battled back nature (part of living in the country), rotated vehicles, taken on countless house projects, taken long road trips, ridden new trails, backpacked, fly-fished, gotten dirty, gotten wet, bled, laughed, cried, used four-letter words (but not at each other), made fun of each other, made fun of other people…and we’ve done it all together.
Our biggest challenge has been the out of town jobs Tom has had, resulting in us both spending time apart…and me becoming a 24/7 mom to two ”fur kids” as one our friends calls them. The up side is that we’ve had a chance to get immersed in some geographic areas and explore the outdoor opportunities not possible on a simple vacation. Although that doesn’t offset the frustration of not being together all the time, it has made the time we have together quality time. We consider ourselves very fortunate…for the lives we’ve made for ourselves, together. The relationship still takes work, it always will but then that’s part of the deal.
Rarely do either of us wear our wedding rings. We’ll probably spend our anniversary working outside this weekend on our property instead of some “special” dinner or celebration. Every day is like an anniversary and our anniversary is like every day. The importance of the anniversary is more for remembering all the times together, good and bad. The times when you know you’ll look back and laugh…even if laughing wasn’t possible in the moment. The times when something unexpected happens. The times when the vows you exchanged don’t begin to cover things you do for each other…like when Tom cleaned dog poo off my mountain bike and mountain bike shorts after I rode through it
Before we know it, another 7 years will pass and we’ll have more stories and adventures to share with others…or to keep to ourselves. Spouse, husband, partner, soulmate, best friend…these words don’t begin to describe Tom. Clown, Athlete, Comedian, Little Kid, Fur Dad…that’s more like it.
Happy Anniversary Tommy, I love you.
P.S. Craig himself was able to retrieve my Craigslist ad at the time, which became part of my wedding vows. If anyone needs it for a good laugh, or a personal ad, let me know…it works pretty good.

Wedding Day winding down